Friday, March 6, 2015

Let the real weaning begin

Starting Friday March 6th I decided it was time to drop to 1ppd and finally end my pumping journey. My emotions are running wild, I am having major mood swings, (it doesn't help that aunt Fllow is on her way) and I am having crying bouts... I am an emotional mess. 

I never, ever thought weaning from a pump would be this hard. It is a machcine.. It is not a human.. It's not like it has talked to me and made me feel good by any means. But if you think about it metaphorically it has done all of those things. It has made me feel like an AMAZING mommy... It has helped me produce milk not only for my beautifully strong daughter but for 13 other babies! Although it didn't physically talk to my, it has cheered me on through bad days, "Never quit on a bad day!" If you mama's reading this right now take one thing from my blog I hope that it is that! Don't ever decided you're going to quit if you're having a bad day. I can't stress that enough. The next day could get a lot better! 

Sometimes I looked forward to my time with my pump... The fact that it didn't talk back at me, didn't judge me... It didn't criticize me or tell me I was doing something wrong. It sang the same tune every single time I plugged it in and turned it on for the 20-45 minutes I sat with it. "Your an amazing mama," is what I always thought it was saying. :)

It has become a part of my daily routine. It has become a part of me... 

I know that the real reason I am having such a hard time quitting is because I hate change. I have a horrible time dealing with it. I like my same shit different day routine. I don't like anything to change or I freak out internally and mentally. 

That's why when we go to a restaurant I always tend to order the same exact thing.. The fear of disappointment and being let down by a bad dish scares me.. I love food... So if I am going out to eat and don't like something, man what a horrible let down! 

Anyway... Weaning sucks.. Today is my third day of trying this out. My new schedule, for now will be pumping twice one day and once the next. I cannot physically go 24 hours.. Well I haven't tried. When I decided I would try to drop to one pump I made it 18 and 1/2 hours. By 18 hours my breasts were pretty full, my bra was digging into me... And maybe I just physiced myself in to thinking I couldn't go any longer. Personally the thought of a clog or mastitis is enough to scare anyone. 

Now, to give some advice, I wouldn't exactly recommend dropping to one pump cold turkey. You could end up with major clogs or mastitis. I know my body. I know that it can hold up to 23 oz between my two breasts. So I probably could go 24 hours easily as I am only pumping 10-12oz between two pumps. I've always just dropped a pump. I never added a 1/2 hour or an hour between until that pump was just gone. I am an all or nothing kind of person and deal with the consequences later. 

Last night I slept horrible. A combination between not pumping before bed, Clare waking up at 2:30am because her teeth were bothering her, the time change and it's Monday so back to work. I didn't fall back asleep until almost 5am. :(

I will keep you ladies updated on my progress with weaning. How I am feeling, how things contined to get better... Hopefully. It always takes me a good couple of days to get used to change. But once I do change and accept it things do get better. 

I am looking forward to sleeping in a little longer, having my nights back so I can spend more time with Anthony and Clare. Not worry about pumping on our vacation to Florida coming up!! That trip is what is really helping me wean. I do not want to drag my pump down there. 

Thanks for your continued support by reading my blog. My reason for writing this blog to to share my experiences as a mother. If I only touch one mommy out there my mission is complete. I guess it's the teacher in me. :)

The reason I have pumped for 14+ months 

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